3am, the same feeling just 9 months ago.
It's the same Sunday. Is Sunday really betraying me? How I truly wish it was really just an April fool . But instead ... I'm the fool. The feelings is just exactly the same how I felt last year. I could truly remember and feel the moment I sat awake saying I wanted you to go usm. It just seems like its only one hour ago. It feels like as if my soul left my body, and I could sit and see how I talked to you. Difference? There's water on my cheeks. I can't seem to drunk myself to bed... No beer. I need one so desperately. Imagination of myself hanging dead on the fan of my room. No. No threat given cause by the time this blog was ever read again, either I'm dead or we're apart. Really I feel suiciding releases my stress and pain. It hurts so badly... There's just nothing you're gonna do for me. There's noting you're willing to plan to get my out of this hurt. Love hasn't change a thing but insecure and pain just keep increasing. I don't want to be in this state. You won't know how hurtful it feels. If she ever read this, I'm pleading and begging she quits. I tried so badly till I let go of my chance. Why? Why the fuck iwan, why didn't you just fucking said yes when she's willing to quit for u last year. Why try for her? Why? Why put your own in agony? I'm often said as not trying... I did... I did till this happens now. You might think in KFC I didnt see who was the guy from the car. I saw, I kept quiet. I pretended. Do you know how hard it feels to pretend something u know? Something you don't feel when that feeling is killing you the most inside out? I can't express to whom I feel now . I have no diary to write on. No friends close enough to share. I put on a fake smile around people to show how good we last. It hurts more when I need a shoulder to cry but all I have is just a bolster. I never told my mum what u bought... She knows you're materialistic somehow . I can't imagine if I told her, she'd be assured even more. I protect u always but I can't imagine you could betray me an tell your parents how bad I am. It's great. An addition of problem and pain from your family. It's hard for me to say I'm sorry, but I truly wanted u. To go usm no matter how many semesters has gone by. Please if you ever remembered my blog link and read this through, please please do it for me. Quit Taylor's. Just pleaseeee. I'm terribly suffering. This blog I already posted my last post, but there's no other way I can actually explain to you how I feel. Doubt u still remember this link anyway. I'll just at least assumed you could see it and you're reading it T.T
