A relationship this way that I never thought to have

Ever thought of the happy relationships we've always wanted? For me? I've always dreamt of it. A life where you had your own life and my life without much worries or even control. Really I thought it'd happen. I really thought we'd be sharing experiences together everynight. It no longer seem to happen neither do I even care. There's nothing to fight for anymore.I never had the thought to control or even care what you do or think. The one decision she made has just put me so insane. I'm feeling so hard on myself. Along with the second decision again you made without telling me. Just...life isnt about why anymore. Just why didnt, why not , why like this. Too many why's to ask. I dont know what to say. I'm getting less words to tell or say.