You're All Alone

Cry? All we have to do is just cry. Regret, and wait. I've again made a mistake...believing you that you said he'll join other class. This is what I get in return. I'm tired of trying to find the reason why. You added immediately after telling me even when I've not read that message. Its not the same as previously. You start adding guys, start liking guys photos. Every little thing I ask from you, I wont get it. Asking you to delete that guy is also my fault knowing he's already in the group. Still reluctant. In the end? All I got is a broke up...for that guy that matters more to you than me. Do you know how it feels? Guess not. You wont know how this feels inside when I managed to do the things u wanted but you're not willing to at all. This shall be the last of us. May God bless you and me

All the reasons

I remember what you first said "I'll be there only to studies". Maybe its true...people do change. Everything you do and words you said...just left me with nothing. I always ask myself, whom do you treasure more. If its me, why you cant do it for me the things which I dislike you doing. I'm starting to think who am I to you. I question every corner of my mind, is your activity and gym more important you rather abandon my feelings? Even worst, leaving me? Does being the eldest and the responsible you hold makes you the need to know more people? Even better excuses of ' The more people you meet , the more you love me' so that you can get the chance to meet more people? Its just never will be the same. My only option is to just stay with you, be sad and see you meet more people cause... I cant let you go. Its heart-breaking to know you'd rather leave me to know some other people....that's all that I can say. I'm totally broken to pieces today. People always say you cant live without the person you love. Thanks for closing that mindset that I've been holding on for so long. Everything I've known and believed in the word 'love' is vanishing slowly.

Not how it used to be anymore

The urge for me to blog has returned. I feel i really need a place to rant/express how or what I feel. You often ask me if you changed, and I said 'no'. There, again I'm telling lies. To be honest you're really no longer the person I once met. Your smile changed. Your hair colour is now fake. You're not the you I used to see and fell in love with. You're just trying to be someone you're not. I cant blame you. Its still my fault. People in taylors are dressing up like these. Its like a trend you HAVE to follow be a taylor students right? Yeah .... I know, and Oh wait, CNY is coming. Time to shop for clothes. Yeah, we all should but buying 2 shirts isnt enough? Ever thought of how I actually feel that the person I like most is a shopaholic. Yes, you see and dont buy. Craving for things will one day leads you to another person who can afford all of these. Yet I know....I cant blame you again. People in Taylors are all rich. You too gotta show them you belong with them right? Yeah I should understand...its still my fault. You know, I always had a dream. A dream where I think and imagine how life would turned out to be if it wasnt taylors between us. Ahhh, peace everywhere I see and feel. Its like being in paradise you know? But have you ever felt that feeling when you open your eyes, everything crashes and you're now back to reality. A person without dreams is really like a dead person..just like I am now. People often tell, money is not the problem in love. You know what? I used to believe it...but now everything seems like a fairytale of the past. Its no longer the generation of being eternally happy together. Its about following the latest trend and being eternally updated. Materials and logo's are being the top notch stuffs in life. I once imagine, if another person who loves me like you do and willing to get me my dream car regardless of the price, I'd still decline her love just to be with you.... Even if I dont get an everlasting love, I still choose to do it. At least its something that I believe in.

Look how far we've come

3rd week already. How much faster can time pass. It was just like yesterday she returned home. I wished time would stop. So im used if this feeling back again. Sitting alone in the garden watching people passingby. Just like th e feeling in McD 1 year 24 days back. I've really decided to give up and you do what you want. Im just too tired to face it over and over again when you asked to join activities over and over again. Its not a lullaby i would like to hear at all. You thk its easy to just say it aloud. But you didnt know its even easier for me to fake a smile because i've been doing it all along. I now decided to close my eyes instead

Happy Anniversary!

Ever wondered what were anniversaries for? I wouldnt be sure what would your explanation be but for me , its rather a moment to remember by your own will or a moment you cant forget. Speaking about unforgotten memories , it branches out into 2 more categories - Sad and Happy memories. The one I'm about to talk about today is about sad memories. The first anniversary of the sad memories. It doesnt actually end in 3 years but instead it'll be haunting me forever. The bloody damn cert from them is gonna be in my life forever. Its pointless to rant about it anyway. Nobody reads it. Its just part of my comfort zone where I throw all my feelings. I give up on the fight. I'm never suppose to win anyway. Not even suppose to think of winning. Know your stand boy. What have you got to offer to make her quit. Penniless junk of ass. Congratulation on trashing my worthless ass.

Nice isnt it? The rings resembles so well. Together forever. Unbroken bonds. Goodnight

Sad Anniversary

Oh look its already almost one year. Already? It isnt just a year. Its a totally terrible year, or should I say ' Only one year passed by? ' . Its the slowest pain to feel waiting for another 2 years. One year is enough to keep me emotional all year long. I cant tell anyone, there's just no one I can confess it about. This one year there's totally no happiness. I'm getting sick feeling this pain but I dont seem to have any choice either. Its like a broken records playing over and over again it just spoils the music. The future once seem so bright, even angels got thier wicked schemes to just spoil everything. Im wondering if any of random passer by actually read my blogs. They're question I really want to ask. How is the feeling of being hurt? How is the feeling of being lied. So many things I'm restricted from telling her. I can no longer be honest how i feel. My exams....i screwed totally, conclusion you could make was I spent too much sleeping. No one knew the reason behind it. What really distracted me. June 27th 2014,I couldnt think any furthur what else I'm gonna flunk or fail. I've even my utmost faith but nothing ever works. Its been a messy and terrible one year is all i could say. No worries boy, its just the beginning there's another 2 years ahead to fret and be unhappy about. Happy Anniversary in advance Taylors, you've won.

It seems so true. When you're sad or disappointed you just dont seem to care anything that much anymore. I even admit myself, I didnt care much about my own relationship. Just too sad which kills to mood to even make an effort to be more loving. I didnt care much like i did. I did things without caring her feelings. I'm not sure if its revenge or trying to make her feel how i feel...insecure. I dont know how long more will this last. I cant stand it. I feel this relationship has got nothing left then being afraid. Just I want us to last but I feel it will not. Anything related to taylors even discussion or girls talk whatever I get really annoyed or anger in extreme cases. It just werent this way if its ur Form 6 friends or chan wa classmates...just anything but taylors..